Back to earth with more than a bump

Well it's all very well going off on holiday and enjoying oneself, but as we know, it's all over in a flash and pretty soon you have to venture home to face up to normality.

Yes normality.

That's the one.

The problem is, when we arrived over our very own threshold we soon discovered the normality that we had left behind had only gone and boogered off on its very own vacation, leaving behind a state of chaos in the Almost Average household.

I tried to encourage it back, by doing the washing, a bit of gardening and watching some of my favourite programmes that had been recorded while we were away. I even managed a blog post and planned a few more to help settle back into the post holiday routine.

But life was definitely not returning to normal and I never managed those blog posts or even a small tweet over on Twitter.

First there were the chickens who looked like they'd enjoyed a few garden parties during our absence, probably inviting a few friends around on Facebook, leading to urgent action to fence off the garden to give them some space of their own.

The Bokashi bin had also been up to mischief thanks to Mr A bunging in some iffy cheese before we'd departed. I'd been too distracted with getting out of the house in time to make the ferry that I'd forgotten to add the Bokashi bran. The resulting sea of mold was not quite the welcoming party we'd expected when we walked back in through the door.

And then there was the discovery of the monster. If you're a parent you may have already seen one yourself.

Apparently they turn up in your house unannounced some time at the end of the school holidays and last week it was our turn to receive a visit. One day we'd been enjoying the company of our 5 year old and the next, our little boy had been taken over by some kind of alien only previously seen on Doctor Who. He still looked like himself, but his attitude had changed beyond recognition.

His actions were unrecognisable too.

Especially the day when I witnessed him encouraging our three innocent hens out of their chicken run only to lob them back in like feathered medicine balls. They must have suffered from shock as none of them laid the next day.

Poor chickens.

At least his elder brother got a break.

But I didn't. Upon seeing the incident, I picked up my chicken-hurling schoolboy and sat him on my lap to calm him down - and to explain why his behaviour wasn't acceptable.

I haven't had to pick him up for a long time. And he was unexpectedly heavy. So heavy indeed that I hurt my wrist picking him up - putting pressure on an existing sprain that so far had gone undiagnosed.

It's at times like this you realise the levels of dependency on your left hand. Everyday duties such as washing, preparing meals and driving suddenly become creators of agony rather than automatic and otherwise unnoticeable actions. It's even rendered me almost inactive on the computer thanks to feelings of nausea and physical difficulties with typing.

And as for picking up my children or indeed monsters. That's been off the cards too.

However the good news is that the monster has suddenly disappeared and it left as quickly as it had arrived.

I put down to an unfortunate collision with a fairground swing at the weekend. Instead of being knocked out by a swinging boat, our five year old quickly recovered from the impact and by the following day his behaviour had returned to normal. It's just a shame his brother came down with a hard-to-identify rash that very same day.

Normality eh!

Some people don't like it when things return to normal.

But I am desperate for it.

All I want is to focus again on everyday life and our rubbish. It's taken a bit of a knock over the holidays thanks to upset routines, physical injuries and unpredictable children - not to mention the off-duty Bokashi bin that still needs emptying. Of course that's another job you need two hands for as well as emptying the chickens' poop tray. Where's Mr A when you need him eh! Out earning the dosh, so we can live another day.

So it's a blimmin' good job the kids are both fully recovered and off back to school tomorrow for the start of the new academic year.

I can feel my sanity returning already. And I've even got a new wrist support to help it stay that way.

You never know, I might even be able to empty that horrible Bokashi bin before the week's out.

But I'd better get on with it as Mrs Green over at www.myzerowaste.com has told me she's declared next week National Zero Waste Week - starting on Monday 7th September, encouraging folk all over the UK (as well as like-minded friends overseas) to look for new ways to reduce their waste.

Of course, I can't wait to give it my full support and would encourage you to join in too, especially if you've got both hands free.

After all, if I can be a one-handed zero waster, just imagine what you can achieve with two, especially if your brain hasn't been addled by mouldy concoctions, monsters and wild rashes.

A National Zero Waste Week. What a great idea.

So thank you Mrs Green. I'm beginning to feel normal already.

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More info about National Zero Waste Week can be found at www.myzerowaste.com, where you are welcome to join in with your contributions and plans for reducing waste at home or in your place of work. Share the news and help reduce landfill.
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