Green cleaning: quite literally!

"Mummy look what Little T has done!" announced my seven year old prefect, rushing up to me with photographic evidence to prove it.

I had suspected the silence was a sign of creative genius, but when I last looked, little T was sitting in a very angelic position,at the dining table ready to turn a toilet roll tube into a green train. I certainly hadn't expected green footprints and handprints to decorate our beige stair carpet.

Mr A was sleeping off a late night at a Halloween party, while I was up early to finish an article. I wasn't feeling particularly well, I had a cold coming on so I was pleased that little T was happy to occupy himself for 10 minutes while I got the job finished.

And occupy himself he did, whilst Little J took photos of him in action. But how could they have been so quiet about it, surely a snigger might have been in order, a chuckle perhaps or even a shout of horror from the prefect himself.


So there was nothing for it but to put the green paint monster in the bath and wake Mr A from his slumber to supervise. Meanwhile I rolled up my sleeves, grabbed the bottle of vinegar,the tub of bicarbonate of soda and then got scrubbing.

I wasn't quiet sure if it was manna from heaven, sending me a research opportunity for the next chapter in my book or whether it was punishment for wanting just 10 minutes to myself.

Whatever it was, it was a big job to clean up.

Anyway, the interesting news is, I attempted to clean some of the stains with the product that promises carpet stains to vanish...but even after scrubbing like a madwoman the green prints remained very much in their original form.

For the rest of the handprints, I brushed on the bicarbonate of soda, then poured on white vinegar, watched it fizz and scrubbed at it again like a madwoman. They started to lighten and gradually disappeared. I topped off with a dose of Ecover washing liquid and eh presto, most of the stains were gone.

Admittedly there is still a faint hint of green, but that's only the real hardcore stains. Thankfully, the rest have lifted.

When I'm over my cold and my inner domestic demon returns, I'll tackle it again.

In the meantime, I'll be thankful I don't need a new carpet. After all, with the challenge I've set myself this month, it would be a bit of a blow-out so soon in the first week.

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Halloween Horrors: Mwahahahahhhah

Yes I know I'm rather gruesome to look at my dears, but be kind, I am getting on a bit. 891 years old this year.

Yes, Delores is the name and Devilish Cleaning's my game.

And I'm making no apologies for gatecrashing. I just had to do something with that dreadful Almost Mrs Average. That domestic tripe has just pushed me too far. So, I fought her for her password, sent her off to landfill with an old boot for company and thought I'd tell you a few home truths.

It may be Halloween, but you can forget the scary ghosts and ghoulies, the real horrors can be found lurking behind that woman's closed doors.

If I went into detail, I'd send you running. Sufficient to say that just one look at her bathrooms (all three of them) was enough to make me wonder what she's been doing these last few months.

As I bundled her into the bin lorry, she bellowed "It was the book", cried "then there was the pasta" and finally gave me the lowest of low excuses "I was waiting to test green cleaning".

With rubbish excuses like that, she deserves to be despatched off with the rest of the trash.

And you should look at her cupboards. Cor blimey, with the space and time dimensions attributable to the Tardis, she's managed to fit the whole cleaning aisle of Sainsbury's under her sink.

Zero waste indeed. If that's not a waste then I don't know what it is.

Well I've got plans for that noxious lady.

Vinegar, lemon and bicarb.

By the time she escapes from the nasty combination of methane and leachate and brushed off the fish bones, she will be so grateful for my actions.

It may not have unblocked her plughole in the shower, but at least it's made her shower head all shiny and her toilets spanking clean.

Do I sound kind...?

Mwahahahahhhah,

I don't think so, I'll turn her bathtime bliss into a fizzing cauldron of vinegar and finish her off with a nice dip!

So I'm afraid it's Bye Bye my dears......I've clearly got a lot more work to do.

And er...Happy Halloween....

Mwahahahahhhah.........
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